A Mirror Has 2 Faces

Acceptance Of Oneself..............................
For me, these are some tough words to swallow.
It was last year that I had come back from a trip to PA. and N.Y. where I had visited my family and friends. I have 2 children, so naturally I went picture crazy and happened to get some shots of myself in there cause at the time I thought I was looking pretty good. WELL, there's nothing like a photo of yourself to place you right back into reality of what you "really" look like and not what you invision yourself as. Let me just say I was truly disappointed looking at myself. I happen to be someone who is very self concious due to physical things I do to myself as part of a problem I have. Always being worried who would notice something I had wrong. I'd spend lots of time in front of a mirror, but never noticed what other people were actually seeing. It definately wasn't the image I saw looking back! Forget the disappointment I was terribly confused! I'm not blind! HOW could I not have seen this? Was I so focused on my other issues that I didn't take notice of this big body that came underneath my imperfect face?
Sure I can use the excuse I had 2 c-sections for 2 very large babies! But, I doubt thats going to hold much value in 10yrs from now........ Yes, I've had major hernia surgeries that threw my stomach completely out of control, but what do I blame for the rest of the weight? Lol, it kind of just leaves me.

I was depressed for a long time after that trip knowing everytime I got dressed it wouldn't matter what I put on, I would still be that same overweight person I saw in those pictures. My husband would get so fustrated with me! He would tell me constantly how beautiful I was. He could not understand why this wasn't enough? I did not share that same image. I was not happy with what I let myself become. I knew we were going back to the east coast the following summer to be there when my brother gets married. I had a mission set that I was going to be thinner by then. I would be proud of the pics I would take this time.

So, here I sit one week away from the wedding. I have lost 15lbs which is the most I've lost in a long time!

The sad fact is I go back to that same mirror and do not see ANY difference........ All I can notice is a big girl who hasn't changed one bit. What's strange is I fit into clothes that I could not button last year, but if you weren't aware of that fact, I promise there is nothing different to the eye.
I've come to terms with this problem and realize it shouldn't be about 1yr and trying to look better for some occasion. This is a life goal that I need to keep working at so I can feel good about myself, and be around as long as possible for my children. I preach to them all the time about being loving people. To love all colors, shapes and sizes. Be proud of who you are inside and that will always make you beautiful! I should take a lesson from myself........
My weight doesn't make me who I am. When I look in that mirror I need to look deeper and not just what appears on the outside. My new goal is to see what my husband and children see in me. All I have to do is take a shower and my kids think I'm gorgeous! :-)
I will go on this trip, and I will take lots of pictures! I will post them for my friends to see, and I will be proud of how hard I fought to get a simple 15lbs off! I'll be damned if I don't give that mirror the middle finger! I most importantly will NOT give up on myself!!!

My thought for the day:
No matter what your reflection is in that mirror, you will see only what you allow yourself to see. Look beyond  the image and focus on whats really important. Can you be proud of who you are as a person? Thats what makes you "beautiful"....... The rest is just cosmetic!